Aside

How to be socially inept- Successfully.

You ever notice that there are numerous self-help sites/books trying to condition individuals on how to not be the socially awkward “type”?

I say, fuck that!

Me, being a classic introvert that I am, I always find myself being misunderstood by my peers. My adolescence was a crap show. I was always characterized as a “loner”… But, perhaps I wasn’t a loner? Maybe I avoided conversing with people because my initial statements would always be uncouth? And even a little offensive?

Adulthood was no better. As I progressed through college and now onto my career, I find that my conversational skills are becoming even more dismal. Who would of ever thought?

Time after time I’ve been told “You’ll meet people like you in your area of work.” Well… Given that I am the youngest teacher in my school amongst veterans in their 40s and 50s, we really don’t have much in common. Not even how we view our students. I’m not really surprised there.

However, after being in my current position for the last few months and coming into my own, I have learned that I can be little ol’ awkward me… And it really IS okay!

Here are 3 easy steps to embrace the uncultivated you:

1- First and foremost, you must find people who are equally as not charming as you! Why? Because they are like-minded people, who more than likely share the same anxieties as you. That, in of itself, is a conversation starter.

I know what you’re thinking… “How can two awkward people have a preliminary conversation?” Well… Wallflowers can always spot other wallflowers; it’s a gift. Plop your ass on the sofa next to that person and discuss how the crowd at the party scares the shit out of you.

Alas, you have found your graceless soul mate.

2- Stop apologizing all the time for procuring odd discussions. Yeah, we know you didn’t mean to “go there”, but ya did. Just shut up. That’s you, don’t say sorry for that!

Example: Sacha Baron Cohen

3- NEVER practice what you’re going to say to someone ahead of time. Not only will you sound like an asshole, but you will most certainly sound like a robotic asshole. Don’t be that guy.

That, with a combination of sweaty palms and angst will not bode well while chatting.

Now that you know…

Once you have accomplished wrapping your head around these three painless steps, be on your merry way to avail your inner and outer awkward self! Take pride! You’re really not as bad as you may think. Enjoy the talks you do have; no matter how maladroit you may be!